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[04 Dec 2008|05:48pm] |
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mood |
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 fiesty |
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ha
so
re update.
i havent posted in a while.
i broke up with anten.
cuz it didnt work out.
and now im dating jordan seely.
i just had my 20th fucking birthday.
it was my golden birthday this year.
um
im still clean
but im drinking and smoking bud.
but look who you're talking to its me.
but its all good
weed is BUENO.
lol
im bored
so peace.
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[18 Oct 2008|06:47pm] |
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mood |
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 clownin |
] |
wow. its been a while since ive posted in this bitch.
so
some updates on my life.
1. i disappeared for 3 months because i was in rehab.
2. i am now 4&1/2 months clean off heroin and cocaine.
3. me and kody are no longer together. he is a worthless piece of shit. i just stopped talking to him after i left for HAB. lol
4. i moved to AJ [apache junction] with my best friend meghan tanner whom i love so much and will forever and always be my love.
5. im now dating anten jensen. who has been like... a thing for me since december. and now we are finally together... as it should be.
6. and i am stoked on life.
other than that.
im cool.
i will prolly start updating again.
i miss my LJ haha.
even though no one really reads this.
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[11 Apr 2008|11:56am] |
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mood |
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 pissed off |
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so i fucking hate everything right now.
im fucking grounded cuz my mom decides she wants to go on a power trip and take my purse from me on sunday night and of course me being the fucking stoner i am i have weed and my pipe in there.
so im in trouble cuz of that right.
but here's the bullshit of it all
MY DAD SMOKES WEED.
HE KEEPS HIS WEED AT HOME.
AND SMOKES ON THE PROPERTY.
and i get in trouble.
and get fucking "grounded till further notice"
im going fucking crazy. and its only been five days.
but the whole time im sitting here thinking what the fuck.
my dad induced the punishment.
MY DAD IS A HYPOCRIT.
and then to top it all off.
my sister is a fucking snitch now.
she has been nothing but two faced to me
saying "oh you know i dont care about weed. it would be totally hypocritical of me to tell on you cuz i used to smoke with you. so that would be fucked up"
FUCKING LIAR.
she has told my mom every fucking little word i have said.
she told her that i go on jogs as a cover up to see kody.
she told them that kody brought me weed when that never even happened.
she tells them everything now.
im so fucking upset and mad and i dont even wanna live here anymore.
who the fuck grounds their kid thats fucking almost twenty years old.
i mean come on im not a fucking child.
im so sick of being treated like a fucking child.
i hate it here.
i almost wish i never moved back in.
FUCKING BULLSHIT
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[16 Mar 2008|08:28pm] |
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mood |
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 lonely |
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i have one question to ask whatever supreme being rules over mankind and the world and such:
why the fuck does MY LIFE need to be so difficult??
i mean seriously wtf. i've never done anything bad to anyone unless they deserved it.
so why the fuck is my life so shitty?
im only fucking 19 years old and i have more stress than any adult i've ever met.
HONESTLY.
WHOEVER is out there...must fucking HATE me.
all i do is try try and TRY to make everything happy...
but all i do is fail fail and FAIL.
and when it comes down to it...the thing i wanna do the most..
is buy a bus ticket out of this godforsaken city...
and get the FUCK out of here.
and leave everything and everyone
maybe not everyone but ... mostly everyone.
i hate this place HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT.
and i hate my life too...
yeah pretty much sums it allllllllll up.
cherise hates life.
ok.
and dont question me.
i dont wanna fucking talk about it.
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[08 Mar 2008|11:15pm] |
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mood |
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 frustrated |
] |
all i have to say right now is
UGH.
thats exactly how i feel.
im so frustrated with everything
especially how
i fuckin cant do ANYTHING right
apparently.
on a lighter note.
check out the pic i drew!
im out.
peaceloveandHERB
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[03 Mar 2008|11:01pm] |
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mood |
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 nerdy |
] |
so life at the my parents house isn't too awfully terrible.
there are some big things about to happen with me.
1. GETTING CLEAN. ive come to terms that im an addict. and i cannot quit on my own.
and if there's anyone else out there thats ever been addicted to heroin you would understand.
i will be visiting Dr. Jackson at Rehab Arizona for drug counseling and a prescription for suboxone to keep me off the shit. heroin is definitely the WORST thing i ever fucked around with...and if i could go back in time i would never have done it. word of advice to everyone out there DONT EVEN TRY IT. NOT EVEN ONCE.
i pretty much hate all drugs except weed..[and mushrooms. LSD and XTC and K]other than that FUCK IT.
2. BACK TO SCHOOL. im starting at Everest college in april. for Medical Assisting. in EIGHT MONTHS. i will be a certified medical assistant. and a graduate of everest college. and i'll get to work at a doctors office and shit.
woot for that.
on the other hand. i hate how everything else is so complicated.
me and kody are doing pretty good.
now that we are clean shit between us is so much better.
let me tell you. a relationship between two addicts will not work.
but i just wish it was easier.
i wish he would trust me again.
i wish that he would understand that this time i am not going to do what i did again.
i know for a fact that kody is who i want to be with...
i wouldn't have given him another chance..and i wouldn't be trying so hard to fix myself and the things i do if i didn't want to be with him.
i just wish he'd understand.
i wish i could say the right thing to make everything perfect again.
thats all i want.
i love him with all my heart and NEVER want to lose him again.
i wont be able to handle it next time.
we've been together for almost two years..and i want it to last even longer.
no joke.
this boy has stolen my heart completely and i dont think i would ever be able to let someone else have it.
but im done.
peaceloveandHERB.
<3
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[25 Feb 2008|12:54pm] |
so..
two more days till im out of that godforsaken apartment.
it has a new nickname "the dopehouse"
not a good thing. thank god im getting out of it.
idk when iget to start IOP. but sometime soon
(for those of you that dont know what that is its INTENSIVE OUTPATIENT REHAB)
my moms idea.
but im more than willing.
cuz what im struggling with right now is probably the hardest thing i've ever had to deal with...it really sucks. but i got myself into the mess and now i gotta get out.
WISH ME LUCK.
gotta go
peaceloveandHERB
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[18 Feb 2008|10:54am] |
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mood |
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 happy |
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so
things are better.
kody is my boyfriend again.
i LOVE LOVE LOVE him.
im moving back in with my parents..
getting clean.
and making my life better.
WERD.
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[07 Feb 2008|10:37am] |
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mood |
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 crappy |
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so.
my life sucks as of now.
i got fucked over by some bitch. AGAIN. same one that did last time.
i dont care about that though,
what i do care about is how much kodys parents hate me now.
i broke up with him in december.
now we are trying to work things out.
and it doesn't matter.
i just wanna dig a hole and crawl in it.
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[22 Jan 2008|12:57pm] |
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mood |
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 distressed |
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i dont know what im doing anymore...
it sucks.
life is confusing.
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[29 Nov 2007|07:57pm] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
] |
idk why im posting but i kinda just felt like writing.
theres been so much going on.
new things.
getting rid of old addictions
i've been clean for three days from the black monster.
that was a road i will never go down again.
and my advice goes out to you all.
dont mess with the black monster.
he's hard to get away from.
but im doing it myself and going strong.
on other terms christmas is coming soon and im really excited.
christmas really is the happiest time of the year.
things just always seem to be good.
tomorrow im doing something new and going to ride horses with sis tomorrow.
i've never ridden a horse before but i think it willl be lots of fun.
one year and six months ago tomorrow i started dating kody.
its been a happy one year and six months, officially being my only serious relationship.
although kind of very since we live together and such.
i know some people would say im way to young.
but hey just cuz im 19 doesnt mean i dont know what i want.
and im pretty sure its kody.
im much happier now than i used to be.
and thats the way i like it.
but i gotta go eat now.
toodles.
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[21 Nov 2007|03:34pm] |
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mood |
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 high |
] |
well
so.
disregard my last post.
i actually had a good birthday.
things got better.
but the best part i have to say would be when kody sang me happy birthday. and i got to blow out the two candles on the hunk of cake my mom gave me.
and that was the best part.
cuz kody is so cute.
and can make my day so easy.
i love him i really do.
idk when, but i wanna have a party sometime.
but yeah.
peace out.
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[19 Nov 2007|11:52pm] |
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mood |
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 sad |
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so.
its my 19th birthday in like. 7 minutes.
too bad i wish i wasn't ever born.
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[13 Nov 2007|07:31pm] |
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mood |
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frustrated |
] |
REJECTED.
once again.
and here i still remain jobless.
and its starting to discourage me.
i mean they tell me everything good at the interview.
at one interview the dude even said "if i didn't have more people to interview i'd hire you now"
but have i got one call back .
NO.
and its so FRUSTRATING.
everyone thats more qualified than me should stop going to the same interview as me.
i mean is it too much for me to ask to try and get a job i dont hate for once.
getting a job as a secratary shouldn't be that fucking hard.
thats what ive wanted to do for so long.
i wanna dress up nice and answer phones and shit.
GOD
no one wants me
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[11 Nov 2007|03:22am] |
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mood |
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 chipper |
] |
things are starting to look a little brighter today.
i dont feel as bad as i did yesterday.
and today i smiled alot more often
:]
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[10 Nov 2007|02:52am] |
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mood |
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 LOWWWWWW |
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so
im tired of acting like im happy all the time.
when inside im hurting so bad.
im probably one of the most depressed people you'd ever meet.
honestly.
and you'd never guess.
cuz im always so "happy" all the time.
its cuz i dont want anybodys fucking pity.
pity never did anything good for anyone.
its not like pity helps someone who feels the way i do anyway.
what i need is ...
fuck i dont even know what i need.
or what i want.
i have absolutely no motivation for anything.
my life is so complicated.
so full of stress.
and im not even 19 yet.
what the fuck.
aren't these supposed to be the best years of your life.
whoever said that was a LIAR.
the best years of your life are when you are a baby and you dont know whats going on around you
when you dont understand what its like to feel like there is nobody there for you.
cuz when you're a baby everyone is there for you.
yeah those are the golden years of your life.
not these years.
no sir.
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[22 Oct 2007|11:56pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 bouncy |
] |
so i got my own apartment.
its pretty nice
its a two bedroom platinum apartment in genoa lakes.
its platinum cuz its the remodeled one with brand new appliances.
i live with my boyfriend kody and my friend katrina who's boyfriend will probably move in in december when his lease is up.
i moved in on friday.
me and kody have the master bedroom.
its pimp
illl post pictures or s omething sometime
peace out
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[07 Oct 2007|09:19pm] |
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mood |
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 blank |
] |
your words cut deep
straight to my heart.
sometimes it hurts so bad
no matter how much i try not to care
i cant help it though
im not too emotional
im not stupid
it just hurts more
coming from you
i dont care what other people say to me or about me
because those are other people
but this is you
and what you say does matter
i just wish it didn't hurt so bad
and i wish you just understood.
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[03 Oct 2007|10:43pm] |
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mood |
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pissed off |
] |
this goes out to you
only cuz now ive found out you've messed with my little sister
FUCK NO
NOBODY does that.
i dont give a fuck who you are
so this goes out to you
SHELBY
payback is a bitch.
you better watch your back.
[no regrets]
and i can be pretty cold hearted
and you definitely deserve it.
you WILL get whats coming to you.
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[02 Oct 2007|02:15pm] |
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mood |
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 amused |
] |
i love how you never completely get rid of the dumb bitches in your life
but what the fuck ever
i find all of it VERY FUNNY
mostly cuz you cant accept the truth
and how fucked up you really are
pointing your finger at me when your hands are covered in shit
this goes out to you you dumb bitch
luckily there isn't more than one of you in this world
cuz GODDAMNN
that would be annoying
haha
you're so fucking dumb it makes me laugh
you know who you are.
FUCK OFF
get a life
burn in hell
and leave me and my WONDERFUL BOYFRIEND
ALONE
we dont need people like you in our lives
cuz we are ten times happier than you will ever be
living in your guilt filled head
and ten times happier not dealing with you and your stupid bulshit drama
who cares man who cares,
and thats scratch off the list.
funny how people that are the closest to you (so it seems or they claim)
how they fuck you over
but karma is a bitch
and it will get you back
better than it already did.
ive opened my eyes on what a true freind really is
and its definitely not you
so if i ever see you
i'll pretend you didnt even exist.
DEAD TO ME.
thats what you are.
...
shelby who???
idk who that is
oh yeah
thats that bitch who is two faced lying bitch who will do anything to get her way
even if it means lying to your so called best friend.
best friend my ass
FUCK ALL TWO FACED BITCHES.
i cant wait to move away and get away from anyone
KODY
you're my everything.
and you're real
and I LOVE YOU
BRE.
I LOVE YOU
cuz you're real.
and thats that.
ASHKLING
i love you
never been mad at you ever
chillest girl i know
and you crack me the fuck up
SIS
love you too we have had some good times
too bad now its so complicated.
peaceand♥
and
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